Hey All!

If you didn't already know, I'm flying across the ocean next month.

I'm very sorry that I haven't been very faithful at keeping this blog...okay take that back, not faithful at all but...I promise to try to keep you all updated on my happenings.  If not on here, I will on facebook.  I might just keep a blog on facebook...it's easier so check there. :)

Before I go, thanks so much for everything.  I could get into all the deets of the random, funny, helpful, and encouraging things each of you have done but you know it.  love you guys!

Most importantly, keep in touch.  I so so so want to know what you're up to!  Msn, facebook, email, skype, or wherever....it's ONLY a 12 hour difference (morning here, night there & vice versa).  I promise to make time to talk.  I will miss you all sooooo much!

Love God and have fun!

Lydia

When the first crossroads appeared, I wrestled just like anybody else.  Prayed hard.  Thought for days.  Ached.  I finally made my choice to go, to walk away, to let go.

Oh I didn't want to.  Everybody told me to stay.  I needed, wanted everybody to still be there, part of my world, cause I knew that once I went, it would never quite be the same again.  But I did the right thing despite what everybody said, despite what I wanted, I did it cause I thought it was best.

Now whenever something happens...I question that choice.  During the long, hard hours, my first wish is to run back.  It wasn't easier there, but at least it felt safer...my comfort zone.  Watching the negative take hold of the people I love best, I wonder if I made the wrong choice.

Idk what's going to happen.  Idk why I had to walk away and I guess leave everyone and everything to fend for themselves.  Idk why I feel like I'm in a place where everything I do is totally useless and has little value.  The days are long, but you know what...I know I'm in the right place.  Technically, I'm doing nothing but this is where I'm suppose to be even if it just gives me the chance to breathe (you know how short I am of time to breathe!) and bond w/ God.

So I'll slog out the next 8 months as long as I'm in the right place w/ You.

Because I love Ryan, here goes!

I think that the 30 mins before your SAT scores come out are worse than the 30mins before taking the SAT because my sister gives a running commentary on how many more minutes before the scores are out.  At least before you take the test, you can stop yourself from checking the time by looking at all the ppl and seeing who looks...smart.  (It's a great hobby of mine.) You can't exactly stop a sister's mouth.

I love shocking my sister.  She was w/ me the moment I checked my scores and went crazy.  She started PACING and omg-ing 30x.  The best part...she lay down on the floor freaking out.

My mom is a genius.  She told me she got 7 A's out of 8 when she was in high school.  Guess what she didn't get an A in?  Biology.  Welcome to the "I hate science" family.

I submitted 2 of 4 of my college applications this wk.  Please pray that I'll get accepted AND win a scholarship at the right place.  It's more than doing well...I need God! :)

I'm surviving at work.  Malay is a big problem, ugh.

In case you're wondering, I'm still studying.  Two more exams in May!  &they're a lot harder than SATs.  Don't say "yeah right"!

I'm starting to doubt whether I made the right decisions so please back me.

I will stay strong. :) "Courage is not the absence of fear but the judgment that something is more important than fear." ---Ambrose Redmoon

Dear you,

I was remembering those days.  The day when we played in the hay and built scarecrows just for fun.  The day you made weird riddles while memorizing.  The day we talked about what you wanted to do for God.  The day we were family.  The pictures, the goofy faces, the SURPRISES.  I was glad to call you my friend.

I'm not missing you if that's what you think.

I'm regretting who you've become.  What happened to you?  To the you who loved God and loved life.  To the you who was the sun for glommy people.  To the you who didn't swear and who always was such fun to talk to.  To the you I trusted and respected.  Why is it all gone?  I know you've changed.  So have I.  But lose everything important along the way?  change your values?  What happened?

Dear friend, I will always care, and you will always be my friend, but whether I can always respect you, that's up to you.

Oki dokes!  I have a few days off!  =D  I won't really do the updates rite now even though there have been quite a lot, but just something bout the last few thinks.

First thought: You're just one person in SIX billion.  Six billion, mind you.
Second thought: Everybody who knows you has an opinion about you whether you like it or not.
Third thought: Talking doesn't change ANYthing.
Fourth thought: What people think doesn't matter all the time.  It just matters what the RIGHT people think.
Fifth thought: You make mistakes!

Hah, so what does all that have to do with anything?  A whole lot.

For starters, acceptance is a big thing to most of us rite?  Like c'mon, duh it is.  All of us want to be accepted, and all of us make an opinion about whether a person is "our type" or not, pretty much whether they're cool or not.  And all of us hate it when we hear someone saying something against us.  But then, we also talk a lot about other people and their ways.  So maybe it's a two way thing?

It's wrong, and I'm gonna stop.  I've talked my bit about other people, but hey, it doesn't make my life any better, and it's not like I've run out of things to talk about.  Cause I've learned a big lesson: you can't judge a person's actions if you don't know the full picture.  You'll just end up the loser, big time.

And I get it back; people talking about me.  So what can I do?  I mean everybody already has an opinion about me and I can't change it.  It's awful when it's something bad, but you know what as long as I know I'm doing the right thing, and real friends won't talk till they know the true picture.  Like I always tell myself: the truth always stands out.  No matter what.  It may take a while, but it always does.

Gossip, it kills big time.  Like wildfire.  If you just let it go, it'll eventually head to you.

so I screamed out loud, and now, I feel loooveeelyy.

Okay, I did not scream.  Not like you ever hear me scream.  As my sis says when I say, "If you do that, I'll scream." "I'll do it just to hear you scream."  Cause I somehow can't =P

But with laughter, BIG BIG smiles! (I tell you, toooo cute!) and for brightening my day, it's cool.

Updates:
My voice is messed up =/
I'm sick.  One cause: Sleeping late.  argh.
Math testttt! =/
I went biking. HAH. yup, I did =D

Anyways, I wanted to say:

you know what, I should just...

Say what I wanna say.
Do what I wanna do.
Stop being silent.
Scream out loud. =)
Trust you.
Do something crazy.
Laugh till it hurts.
Make words out of thoughts.
Huuuggg.
Step out.
Be content.
Make a choice and not regret it.
Tell you what I really think.


So YOU'LL ACTUALLY KNOW.

A really belated Happy New Year!

So the start...

School started.  SIGHS.
French class starts tonight.  AHH.
I don't like the word after.
I'm sick of what-not.
I'm thankful for human beings =)

That's all for now.  It'll be a really packed year for me.  Toodles!

The only hang out time when you can hear the silence..